I don’t know if its the medication or lack of sleep or what but I am so emotional today. This person I won’t name and I actually never talk to has been going through a lot and she just kind of said it like its just ordinary when I rung her up. Then her boyfriend rung me up at another store. And I couldn’t get that situation out of my head all day and started to even get upset about it. It felt so much like a previous relationship I had and I just don’t want her to get hurt like I did. She’s better than that. So I told her and she seemed grateful actually which is a relief… I just really hope she will be okay. Then I was just lonely and made an effort to talk to people I haven’t spoken to much lately. This cold seriously needs to go away. I can’t believe I’m going into the new year sick. But I think I may do what my friend Adrienne did for 2012. 365 days of photos! I feel like it’ll be hard and show how boring my life is and how much of my time spent is with Kaness but it’ll be cool! One of my new year resolutions. The other ones: lose more weight, go to Japan, remain on deans list, continue my dharma as Kaness’s girlfriend, read 100 books, meet new people and be more social, and maybe try to write something! Quite a lot, but I don’t have to do it all. :)
Do you ever find yourself doing all those little tricks to make wishes? Blowing out birthday candles, throwing change in a fountain, keeping good fortunes from fortune cookies, finding a shooting star, 11:11, praying to a certain deity.
I do it all the time, hoping and believing it’ll all get better. Normally my luck gets worse right after I do it, but something inside me tells me to keep it up.
My wish? It changes a little bit over time. Lately, I’ve been wishing to be on campus more. To be able to spend time with my friends later. To have more freedom. To meet new people. To spend more time with my dear boyfriend and feel more like a girlfriend to him by going to his events. To succeed in school.
Now that I look back, I realized some of these have already started to come true. I’ve met a few new people in my classes, not as many as I planned, but a lot of the people… don’t really click with me. I feel like I’m starting to connect more with my friends back home and I’m getting to know the Phi Delta Theta guys more. There’s so many nice guys in that frat that are so fun to talk to! They always make me feel at home when I’m there too. :) And school is definitely stressful this quarter, but I seem to be pulling out quite well. I spend hours upon hours on that stupid homework. Sometimes I don’t do as well as I wish I could have, but overall I think I’m getting it.
And now I’m full out looking for scholarships and study abroad programs. Indonesia may have shut down for political issues, but that won’t stop me from going to Asia! I still have Singapore, Malaysia, and Japan to apply for! I’m definitely going to see the advisers too.
Okay okay, getting back to what I was originally saying. I think all of that wishing has finally paid off. I have to thank my sister for this. She’s been struggling in school and her grades have been dropping. Nobody is home to help her during the day because my parents work and I’m at school then my mom has to pick me up from the transit station. She finally had enough and complained and my dad said there’s a bus that I can take to his work and we can carpool home together. And then my mom can help my sister do her homework and fix up the whole because nobody else is.
What that means for me? I get to stay on campus later now. I can spend more hours straight on homework so I can focus. I can meet up with friends at better times for lunch. I can join clubs. Sometimes, I’ll leave early, but if I want to, I can stay for Kaness’s events. I can go to his dinners, his pumpking carving thing, anything. I can finally feel like his girlfriend and he doesn’t have to constantly tell his friends I’m not there because of the commuting and other problems. How is this even possible? Something has to go wrong. I’m so freaking happy, I’m on the brink of tears and all I want to do is see Kaness right now and give him the biggest hug.
Whooo! This 38 hour week is slowly draining the life out of me! I’m not used to it D: but I’m going to get sooo much money and it’s better than sitting around doing nothing. And I do love most of the people I work with too. :) It’s also crazy since I’ve been working all throughout the week now since summer started, all my customers are recognizing me more and more… even the ones from Canada. I don’t really care about RedCards… at all… I mean if I get someone to get one cool, but whatever. They give me good hours even when I don’t get them. The thing that matters most to me is all my wonderful customers and their stories! ;D
But seriously, I am excited for school to finally start so I only work weekends. 28 days left until my availability is changed and I am off to campus every day. Got my textbooks ordered and everything! Kind of nervous because all of my classes require a ton of reading and the professors are known for being extremely strict, but I’m sure it’ll be fine! I have my buddy Carl in one of them :) and my classes are all less than 100 this quarter. I even have two quiz sections that only have 7 people and they’re closed… weird. The only sad part about school starting really is the fact my out of state friends go home :( but they’ll soon be replaced by the ones that left for the summer! Then it’s studying, exploring, and eating Asian food erry day.
Speaking of eating Asian food erry day, it’s been sooo great with Kaness! :D It’s actually working out pretty well, better than I thought. All his friends and family back in Malaysia are starting to know about us dating and stuff and now they’re all stalking me… kind of intimidating, but so cool! :) Glad I’m that special for him. He gets a lot more sappier when he talks to me and he’s starting to open up more about he’s feelings too. And he’s going to help me with study abroad scholarships too. Aaaand he hasn’t smoked for four days so far! I know, doesn’t sound like much, but for him it is. That boy smokes waaay too much. So happy he’s actually making the effort to try to quit for his own health. :)
And finally, TERIOKE is tomorrow with my best friends! Can’t wait to finally sing karaoke in front of people! We’re going to move the crowd with our beautiful voices.
Life’s pretty good right now. :D
Now it’s going to be even harder to see Kaness and my friends. AWESOME.
- Econ Final: Hey I'm going to be about all the tiny details in lecture instead of what the professor has been emphasizing and how about I don't allow you to answer with the basic reasons? And hey, how about I throw in some ridiculously general, random questions you haven't seen before? Sucker.
I figured you were nervous, you kept fixing your hair and shifting your feet. Here’s some gum, trust me it helps the shaking. What are you doing over there? I’m trying to smoke downwind from you! One of the many downsides of hanging out with people who don’t smoke. I used to be the fat kid everyone made fun of. You know, you really suck at writing. Shut up! My teacher was awful and I blame her forever! You haven’t had teriyaki?!? Here, I’ll pay for you. You can’t use chopsticks? No, you don’t use them like that. You’re holding it too low. No, but your third finger there-you suck. See that Asian guy over there? He’s laughing at you on the inside. America would be sooo much better if you guys focused on making good food and actually ate it. Let me show you my frat and prove to you that not all frat guys are jerks, including me. Especially me. You really have no sense of direction, do you? Don’t you dare ever wear make up or get plastic surgery! Wow, you got your plans completely wrong. Well, this time you’ll be doing me a favor by hanging out with me, okay? And this is the best spot in the entire house, the deck. Just enjoy the wonderful view. The cemetery? Okay, ignore that side of the view. Look over heeeere. Wait, doesn’t the sun set in the east or the west? I think it’s this way in Malaysia… wouldn’t it be the same everywhere? I am so confused! You don’t swear? So you don’t say this? Or this? Or this? Or this? Or this? Or this? Or this? Whaaaat? Rant about Malaysian government. We need to go around Seattle and geocache around Washington like you said! Ugh, the rain here sucks. It’s so cold and small, so unlike Malaysian rain. Just look out here-okay, stop laughing. No, just listen! Oh my god! Okay, do you see the green? And that…whatever blue that is-Didn’t I say stop laughing? If it were raining, you wouldn’t be able to see this beautiful scenery! We’d be stuck inside miserable. Instead of saying a swear word I say fish. Oh my god, that’s awful. Say this in Spanish! Now say this! You actually know about Hindu scripture? Don’t worry about your nose, it’s perfect for your face. Just don’t change anything, okay?!? Do you remember anything I say? Okay, you have to remember the name of my frat. Just remember it like this (I already forgot haha). What happened to your feet? Haven’t you heard of socks? And sneakers? Why don’t you wear them? They’re soo much more comfortable and you can jump in them! You won’t ever make me go bra shopping for you randomly right? Okay, good. Whew. How do you carry that huge backpack? That’s so heavy and awful for you! You need to get rid of some stuff or carry two bags to even the weight. Ugh, women. No, don’t promise me you’ll take stuff out! You’ll just make an excuse for everything to be important. Don’t throw that filthy…tobacco at me! Well, I don’t have to now that you hit your head against the couch, stupid. I really like Skrillex a lot-okay, why are you laughing now? I think we can agree that I know everything. Of course I’m going to walk you to your dad’s car? I’m trying to be a gentleman here! Hey I’m not the bad*** here, that’s you. What? You admitted it! I did not! I can’t even swear! Weeellllll, you didn’t deny it when I said it. I give up, you win. Of course I do, I’m the smartest.
Overall, an amazing day. :) He would most likely be a bad person to date, but I can’t help but like him more and more. Just hanging out like this is enough though. Can’t wait for the play tomorrow!
Hopefully tomorrow he will be in class! And you know what? I got this. I. Freaking. Got. This. What do I have to do? Say hi? I can say hi to a ton of other people and talk to strangers with ease. I can easily say hi and talk to him. There’s so much I want to know! All I have to do is wave him over and I’m sure he’ll sit by me. Act casual.
I did embarass myself last week, but the day after he did come up to say bye with a smile on his face. That has to mean something, even if it’s just as friends. He acknowledges me. And not just… oh hey, slight wave. It was a full out goofy exaggerated lean over and wave with a big smile and then quickly keep going and looking back still a bit. :D So it’s not like I’d be weird by talking to him. He’s a nice person.
For once, I’m going to actually have courage and confidence. Not just to hopefully get him, but to help myself as well. I do have a chance with him. I’m smart, I’m not hideous, and I can make him laugh and talk. I have my dorky, socially awkward charm. :D Who cares if I’m from a ghetto American small town and he’s from Malaysia? This is the 21st century! He wouldn’t go to America if he hated Americans. :) All I need is a good positive attitude, and I’m sure I’ll be fine.
And if he isn’t interested, oh well. I’d be sad, but he’d still be a good friend. :) He’s just so darn cute.
Short Term Goal: Sit by him and talk to him.
Long Term Goal: At least stay in contact over the summer so I can hang out with him in the fall.